Aching to Remember
by jbkb951
Summary: Bella jumps off the cliff, but she doesn't come out unscathed. Her mind is wiped clear of all her memories. Her family, friends, everything.As she struggles to recover, she is haunted by dreams of a boy who is quickly stealing her heart.
1. Freefall

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_So here it goes folks. My attempt at something other than a one shot. _

_I originally started this story on but I was not happy with where it was going. So I started over and I think I'm having much better results._

_But of course, I do have to thank the brilliant Betas over at PTB, specifically EdwardsMate4ever and Starpwer31/Bella for helping me with this prologue._

_**And as we all know, all things Twilight belong to the brilliantly amazing Stephanie Meyers.**_

She stood at the edge of the cliff, looking down at the waves, waiting to hear his voice. She knew that she wouldn't be disappointed. He always spoke to her when she was being reckless.

_Please, don't do this._

She knew the voice wasn't real, that it was all in her head. He was gone and he was never coming back. Leaving her alone in the woods that day had been a very clear message of how little she had meant to him.

But her heart cried out for him, though, and this was the only way she knew to be with him. All she wanted was to stop the aching pain in her broken heart. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and flung herself over the edge.

_Nooo!_

His voice screamed out in her mind but it was too late. She was falling through the air, her body weightless. She thought the fall would be terrifying, but instead, she felt exhilarated. She felt invincible.

Until she hit the water.

The water consumed her, dragging her down into its dark, icy depths. She could see the dim light of the surface shining above her and struggled to reach it. She kicked her legs as hard as she could, her lungs beginning to burn from a lack of oxygen. But despite her struggles, the light she saw above her seemed to be getting further and further away.

_You can't stop. Swim harder, faster. You have to fight!_

His voice called out to her in her mind, urging her on. She refused to die this way. She began to kick even harder than before, her strength renewed. The light above was growing bright, and with one final kick, her head broke the surface. She gasped for air, relief flowing through her as oxygen filled her aching lungs.

She glanced all around her, desperately trying to figure out how to get back to the shore. All she could see was the cliff wall looming above her, a testimony of how utterly foolish and dangerous her actions had been. What did she think jumping off that cliff was a good idea?

Then, a sudden chill crawled down her spine and she turned, knowing that the sight she was about to see would most likely be her last.

_Bella…_

"I love you, Edward."

Those were the last words she uttered before a giant wave picked up her body and tossed her against the jagged rocks of the cliff.

In the distance, a lone figure watched all this from the shore. A satisfied smirk upon her pale perfect face.

"Die, little swan. Die."

But her happiness was short lived. She watched as a giant russet-colored wolf appeared on the edge of the cliff. It sniffed around furiously and to her amazement, changed from a wolf into a man. He then jumped into the crashing waves below. After a few moments, the wolf/man surfaced the pathetic little human she hated so much in his arms.

Victoria screamed out loud in rage.


	2. Sorrow

_The brand new chapter one is here. Enjoy!_

_**And as always, all theings Twilight belong to the fabulous Stephanie Meyers**_

* * *

**Beep. Beep.**

Where was that noise coming from?

**Beep. Beep.**

Can't anyone else hear that? Why won't they shut it off?

**Beep. Beep.**

I opened my eyes to try to find the source of that annoying beeping. I instantly regretted it as bright white lights assaulted me.

"OW!"

"Oh my god! Charlie, she's awake. Get the doctor," a female voice called out.

I attempted to open my eyes again, blinking furiously as I tried to focus. The sight before me was not what I expected.

I was in a hospital that much was obvious. I inhaled deeply, and the smell of alcohol stung my nose. My mouth felt as if it was stuffed full of cotton. I shivered, realizing the only thing between my skin and the cold hospital air was a flimsy hospital gown. Surrounding me were machines that were beeping and flashing, monitoring my vitals through the many wires trailing from electrodes stuck on my chest.

My left leg was being held up in a sling, a giant cast encasing it from the knee down. I tried to sit up. I groaned as pain radiated through my entire body, especially my head. I reached up and realized my head was covered in bandages.

A woman suddenly leaned over me and grabbed my hand in her own. Her tight grip made me wince in pain. Her eyes were bright with tears as she looked down at me.

"Bella, oh my Bella. Thank goodness you're awake. We were so scared."

Scared? Scared of what. This woman seemed so concerned for me. The way she held my hand, it was as if she was afraid I would disappear. I lay there, looking at her, wondering…

"Bella, sweetie. Say something. Are you okay? Please talk to me," she urged.

I swallowed hard, as I looked into her eyes. She leaned in a little closer, a small smile on her face as she waited anxiously for me to speak.

"Take your time, Bella. I'm not going anywhere."

I took a deep breath and replied:

"I'm sorry but, who are you, and why do you keep calling me Bella?"

* * *

Hours later, I'm still lying in a hospital bed, going over everything that happened earlier. At least I feel a little more comfortable now. The doctor had ordered some pain medicine. Of course, that was after they sedated Renee. At least, that's what I think they did. She has a shiny look in her eyes and her speech is slurring a little bit. She had been telling me stories of my childhood, hoping something will trigger a memory. I was mostly tuning her out, going over what happened earlier in my mind.

_The woman, aka Renee as I found out later, had a complete meltdown after the doctor and hospital psychiatrist came in and gave her their opinion on why I could not remember her or what happened: amnesia. He explained that with the trauma from my "accident", followed by a two week coma, my brain could not handle everything going on. So, I was apparently blocking out everything in an attempt to protect myself from the painful memories._

_Renee did not take that news well. She cried and screamed for what seemed like hours before they were finally able to drag her out._

_An officer had come into the room not long after they took her out. He stood next to my bed quietly, a sad look in his eyes._

"_Bella, I'm sorry for what just happened. She should not have reacted that way."_

"_Officer, it's okay. I mean, obviously that woman is very upset-"_

"_Officer?" he interrupted, a confused look in his eyes._

"_I'm sorry, sir. Did I say something wrong?"_

"_Bella, do you know who I am?"_

"_I'm sorry, sir. I don't."_

"_Bella, I'm your father. That woman is your mother!"_

"Bella, are you listening?"

I nodded my head, hoping she would finish soon. She had been trying to convince me she was my mother for the last hour. It was not working.

"And when you were eight, I accidentally left you behind at a concert we went to. Who was playing that night…oh yes, Guns and Roses. They were amazing! Anyway, it was so late and I thought you were right behind me. How surprised was I when I realized you weren't in the car with me?"

She laughed as if it were the funniest story in the world. Apparently, the look of horror on my face meant nothing to her. Who in the world leaves their child behind like that?

The officer was also here too. His name is Charlie and I like him a lot better than Renee. He has been quiet throughout this, speaking up just a handful of times to fill in some blanks. His information was much more useful...and believable.

My full name is Isabella Marie Swan but I preferred to be called Bella. Renee and Charlie were high school sweethearts who married young. They had me not long after they got married and divorced shortly after that. Apparently, Renee did not enjoy small town life. Go figure.

I had been living with Renee ever since the divorce, moving around the country on her whim. Occasionally, I would visit Charlie or he would visit me. Until two years ago when I moved to Forks.

I didn't know anything beyond the moving to Forks part. Charlie and Renee both stopped their stories at that point. Maybe nothing interesting happened after that except for my accident.

"And when you were 13, you came to me with a question about being a woman. I told you-"

"I think that's enough for one day, Renee." Charlie cut in. "Visiting hours are almost over anyway. We can come back later."

I let out a sigh of relief. I really did not want to hear anymore of her crazy stories.

Renee came over to me and squeezed my hand.

"I'll be back in the morning, Bella. Don't worry, we'll get through this," Renee said. Her attempt at coming across as strong was failing miserably. Her eyes were filled with tears that threatened to spill over at any moment.

She turned and walked out of the room. I couldn't help but notice that she was swaying quite a bit and snorted a bit.

"Yeah, she's going to be loopy for a while."

I glanced over at Charlie. He gave me a small smile.

"Is someone going to keeping an eye on her?" I asked. "I get the feeling she's not that great at taking care of herself."

"You hit the nail on the head, kiddo. But don't worry. Phil is waiting for her downstairs."

Charlie walked over to me. His hand lifted up like he wanted to reach out to me but he stopped and let it fall.

"Goodnight, Bella. I'll be back tomorrow."

I watched him leave and wondered how a nice guy like that ended up with someone as crazy as Renee.

I listened to his footsteps as he walked out and then heard him call out to the doctor. Why did Charlie need to talk with the doctor? I thought we settled this earlier.

I strained my ears to listen to their conversation.

"Chief Swan, your daughter is healing at a remarkable rate. I want her to stay in observation just a few more days and then we can let her go home. The cast on her leg will remain there for a few more weeks and she may need some physical therapy, but other than that, she'll make a full recovery."

"But, Doctor, what about her memories? She doesn't remember us."

"Chief Swan, your daughter has suffered a traumatic event. It's not unusual for someone to block painful memories in order to cope. I believe this is only temporary. As she heals, she will slowly regain her memories or they may even come back to her all at once. The most important thing to concentrate on is ensuring she makes a quick recovery."

"Thank you, Doctor"

There was silence as he walked away but then there was whispering. I couldn't catch it all; I just heard bits and pieces. It sounded like he was talking to Renee.

"...Don't want her to remember him..."

"We...Like it never happened."

"But...wrong."

"It's for...Not again."

I wanted to know what they were talking about. But as soon as I shifted in my bed, the whispering stopped and I listened to their footsteps as they walked away.

What was going on?

* * *

"My Bella. What have I done?"

That voice. I knew that voice. I didn't know how I knew, but I could feel something, deep inside, telling me that this beautiful voice was something I needed to remember. I slowly opened my eyes and lying there next to me was the most breathtakingly beautiful boy I had ever seen. At least, that was what I believed. I couldn't really rely on my absent memories to tell me otherwise.

High cheekbones, full lips, strong, chiseled jaw line, and his hair, my God, his hair. My hands itched to run through the mess of bronze-colored hair that graced his perfect form. His skin was so pale though, as if he never went out in the sun. Then he looked up into my eyes and I was lost. His eyes were an exquisite shade topaz. He was perfect.

"Bella," he whispered to me, as he stroked a finger down my cheek. A shiver traveled down my spine. His touch was delicious but also icy cold. This was a dream. It had to be a dream. No one could ever be so beautiful. I stared at him as he continued to stroke my cheek. I wanted to speak but could not find the words to say. He suddenly leaned forward, touching his forehead to mine.

"I came as soon as Alice saw what happened. I'm so sorry I was not there to save you, Bella. I should never have left you. I will never forgive myself for this."

My mind began to race at the things he was saying. Who was Alice and what had she seen? Had she been there when my accident happened? Why was he sorry for what happened? What had he done so wrong that he couldn't forgive himself? But the question that truly plagued me passed my lips first.

"Who are you?" I whispered. "Why are you here?"

He closed his eyes and sighed deeply at my question.

"I deserve that," he muttered darkly. "You put so much faith in me and the promises I made. And I let you down, time and time again."

He took my face between his hands and stared deeply into my eyes.

"I promise you, Bella, I will never abandon you again. I will do everything in my power to earn your love and trust again."

Tears filled my eyes, his words touching someplace deep inside of me. This beautiful boy knew me and he loved me. The thought of this perfect being loving me was overwhelming. How could this be possible? It had to be a dream.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed quietly, tears streaming down my face.

"Bella, oh my Bella," He sighed, wiping the tears from my cheeks. ". This is entirely my fault. Not yours. I should never have left you. Please don't cry. If anything, rage at me for the sins I have committed against you."

"But how can I, when I don't even know you!" I cried.

"What?" he questioned, going still.

"The accident," I cried. "The doctor said whatever happened was too traumatic. That my mind is trying to block painful memories. But it's also blocking everything else too."

"What are you talking about, Bella?"

"I don't know who you are."

"No!" he gasped, his eyes widening. "Bella, love. Please say you know who I am. What is my name?"

I shook my head at him. "I don't know. I'm sorry."

A look of utter desolation was taking over his handsome face. I felt a painful ache in my heart, knowing that I was the cause of his despair. I wanted to comfort him. No, I NEEDED to comfort him. I wanted him to know that everything would be alright. And since this was a dream, I could do anything I wanted. So I leaned over to kiss him.

My lips met his and right then and there, I knew I would never be the same. My heart began to race as my lips caressed his, the taste of him intoxicated me. How could a dream taste and feel this real? If I had been an angel, I would have surely fallen from grace, for this kiss was sinful. He groaned and pulled me closer to him, and I knew he was just as consumed as I was. I trailed my hands up his arms, lost in the sensations that were overwhelming me. The tip of my tongue caressed his bottom lip...And suddenly, he was gone.

I opened my eyes in shock and gazed around my room, searching. There was no one there, as if he had vanished into thin air. I whimpered as my chest began to ache. It felt as if my heart had been ripped out and in its place was a giant hole with nothing to fill it. I wrapped my arms around myself, tears streamed down my face as I realized that this agonizing feeling was familiar to me.


End file.
